{October 4, 2011}   This Blog Dedicated To A Certain 1 Episode Character In ‘Black Books’ Played By A Kevin

I feel very strange. I want to tidy my room and organise my folders. I want to research the topics I need to and read through my course guide. I want to practice my guitar, juggling and magic, and I want to do some creative writing outside of my blog. I want to get my shopping done and go to society meetings. But I can’t. I’m not entirely sure why. Time just seems to fly by.

I arrived back at my flat at around half 5, and now it’s half 10, and I have no idea how I let that happen. I watched an episode of Merlin while I ate my supper. I made my sandwich supper. I tried on the lovely fuzzy dress I bought on discount earlier… Yeah, that’s all. Just writing this far seems to somehow have taken twice as long as it normally does.

It’s probably just the whole situation getting on top of me. I’ve got a long to-do list, and even though it’s all down on paper, my head still struggles to get around it. It’s making me feel very strange. Like, even though I’m so stuffed that it hurts a little, I keep wanting to eat my snacks. I know I should go to sleep, but as soon as I look towards my bed, my head turns back round towards my desk, the thought disappears and I get a physical impulse to do something, but I never get any idea as to what.

I have work that needs doing. But it’s only Tuesday. It’s ok. The only thing that stops me from resting with that idea is the fact that I need to do that work in a group, the idea that others are depending on me to start working now. But I can’t. And I mustn’t think that. They don’t depend on me. I’m not their leader, or mother-goose. I’m their equal. We’re all in the same situation, and I’ve done all that I can do so far (& considering my state). I just need to relax properly, so that I can get some rest. Then I’ll be more revived tomorrow and I’ll be able to do some research, and when we meet (which is not my responsibility, so I mustn’t be concerned with that either), I’ll be able to give my fair share. I need to get over this whole mustn’t-let-anyone-down thing. I just need to sleep.


Final note: After all my complaining this week about the flat smelling of smoke, I was pleasantly surprised this morning. Well I wasn’t at first – at first I was confused and gently annoyed that one of my flatmates had for some reason decided to get up fairly early to do some hoovering and to be very clumsy with the nozzle (why you damn banging against my door?!! Smooth by it, don’t bloody burrow under!!). Anyway, when I decided to get breakfast, not only was the landing clean, but the smell was entirely gone. Wow. How? Then I noticed all the cleaning equipment – the hoover, dishcloths, sprays in nameless containers, etc.

It seems we have a cleaner.



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