{November 5, 2011}   Derren Brown & Guilt Trips

Well, given my subconscious’s huge interest in Derren (see previous blog), I thought I’d indulge it with a post that I’ll be writing while watching his latest show.  I wonder whether this will ease or worsen my subconscious’ fixation. One idea I had was that the reason why my subconscious keeps bringing him up in my creative work, day & night dreams and so on is that he reminds me of me, except more successful, more experienced, and the fact that he’s a gay man (is that 1 or 2 things different? He’s gay & I’m straight, but then we both like guys, so – stop it Harri. What’s the point in thinking like that…). It’s an idea that I feel kind of uncomfortable exploring, so if this doesn’t work I’ll just have to look into that. This won’t make much sense if you haven’t watched it or not watched it recently. Also it goes without saying that the following will likely be spoiler-ridden. You’ve been warned.



Here we go.



The opening is a good summary of why I’ve always liked his work – mystery, psychology, dark qualities, symbolic (almost like it has it’s own mythology), and, well, him – his character and his interests. And of course joy and mischief (all in the eyes). Love the music too, reminds me of Sherlock Holmes (new movie soon, with Stephen Fry! No, this is Derren blog post. Focus). So stylish too. Dramatic. He’s very lovely, despite whatever dark things he’s talking about. Seriously, I LOVE this music! Around 1:30, bouncy, quirky… if I had a soundtrack to my daily life, this would be one of the main ones. Ha! “…gotta go hide myself” (runs away).


Great this, it’s like he’s written an Agatha Christrie and cast Jody in it. Although seeing Scarlet makes me think of Clue. I like the way that Derren’s running through this to the camera, like he’s chatting to me & explaining it all one-on-one. It’s an amazing web of control he’s got here. You could use this format to create storybook experiences for people. It’d cost a lot but you could really create amazing, personalizied experiences for people. Another kind of – TIM MINCHIN! – (*ahem) theatre experience.  Oh, so glad I wasn’t picked for this thing… I’d’ve been devestated if I felt I’d upset someone I really admired… Oh god, I feel so bad for him, like close to getting teary. Ooh, Derren panicking a bit – he’s human! 😀  Oh poor guy. Oh, he’s sitting down against the bed. I think I’d’ve done the same, or paced or lay down on the bed like a jumping jack.


Stupid ads.


Derren is very good at controlling everything. Phase 2: Doubt. Nice, very subtle. Nice to see how he notices it on some level. Now it’s clicked. Wow. It’s so weird to see this sort of thing happening, seeing him thinking & reacting. Derren’s on the move! Oh, there’s such mischievous joy in this! Now I wish I was a part of this, even if apparently accidently upsetting Tim would’ve made me cry into my pillow for 5 minutes. Ha! Some brilliant little mind tricks here. This is probably my favourite of his work. It’s very strange this whole controlling of someone’s life. He’s done this all before but never to this extent. with the jewels, the reactions are all getting a lot more serious. I’d like to think that I’d’ve pocketed it & tried to build the courage to say to the guy everything & explain. Poor guy confiding, oh he’s just like me in his thought processes. I love these things that allow you to really feel inside someone else’s mind, see how similar it all is.


Phase 3: Motive. That title scares me. Mr Black? Thinking Clue again. Mischievous smile again. I now know that what’s coming’ll be fun 🙂 “I’ve told the actors to get Jody drunk. It’s important.” (*Grin). I love this show. Cue guitar sing-a-long. Meanwhile… Derren’s playing Cluedo, big-scale. Getting dark now.


He’s a lot braver than me.

Is that the right word.

I wouldn’t wamt to say less caring about someone I admire, but..

I think I’m just too much of a wuss.

I don’t think I could take it to stage 4.


Very interested in everything Derren’s saying about communicating to sleeping people. I could use this for my own experiments. Perhaps with these kinds of recorded instructions  I could really program my own dreams.


This is getting very creepy in a very cool way now. And the music…



Now I’m thinking Donnie Darko.



Getting very serious. Police are here. Always makes me anxious. Wow. The guilt triggers. It’s really working. You can see it on his face… and the reality of it all. “Rev. Green”… Was I paying attention at all at the beginning? It’s Clue! I’ve started rubbing at myself again. I always do this with nerves & frustrations. I rub at my skin, or if I’m lying down I hold my head. Poor guy. But what music. I don’t know what to think. I’m too wrapped in this story. Panic now. He’s running. And I’m really going crazy with the skin rubbing thing. My poor shoulder’s gone red and red hot.



The village police station?



Derren’s ending it here. A teardrop.



Time to apologise



“What are you doing here?”



or not





I’d forgive him



Now I wish I was chosen.


It’s a bloody rollercoaster. Ha! Paper!


Bastards! Exactly!

And a big hug


Yes, this is my favourite.


I feel better about just being me, just being a nice person. I have this… such strong pressure I put on myself about self-worth and with my perfectionism… and being someone worthwhile & creating fantastic output or nothing at all because I’d rather make nothing than make something substandard.  I feel a lot a better about just being me. Because I’m a good person. And that’s enough.



I wonder how long this’ll last.

Problem is I’ve got work to do. Academic work that I’ve been putting off and creative work that I’ve been perfectionist about.

Well, it’s midnight now, so I’ll just make a promise that tomorrow I will focus on finishing my creative work (the deadline’s earlier), and only once the beast is entirely done with and submitted will I move on to the academic, and for BOTH of them, I will just DO it, and not worry about it being perfect or not. Ah jeez. Too much to think about. I don’t think following Derren’s work in such detail could ever help me, and I’ve barely scratched the surface. I’ve too many thoughts to begin with…. I guess I’ll be exploring the whole Derren being a successful me (?) thing sometime next week…


I’ve picked up on the guilt. And rightly too, I should have done all of this by now. This should be a relatively free weekend, but no, I’ve been lazing about all week. I came to Uni to create and to learn. So I better get to it.


Night o



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