{March 14, 2012}   I Have A Serious Problem

…with procrastination.

It makes me leave work till the very very last minute.

It makes me perfectionistic again

It makes me hate myself

It makes me lie

It makes me stop thinking

It makes me waste days and days of my life

It makes me feel powerless

It makes me stay up till midnight, 2 nights before the 2,500 word essay is due with only around 100 words written, just wanting to sleep and cry.

It makes me depressed – it stops me loving life

And it always happens. There’s a reason why I keep on going on about productivity in these blogs. And that’s because it kills me everytime I end up wasting days trying to work but doing nothing and never knowing why. I’m never so unhappy as when I’m hating myself for doing nothing. In fact, I’m only ever unhappy when I’ve been procrastinating. And everytime, as the academic year goes on, it gets worse and worse until I get to those days where I wonder if I should just give into pity and depression and just let the deadline go by and isolate myself at home in bed.

Everyone has one fundamental flaw. This is mine.ย I love life so much – I don’t want to waste any of it and I want to do my best. I couldn’t have a more ironic and painful flaw.

Tomorrow I’ll be blitzing the work because the deadline’s suddenly imminently prominent. I’ll work on it all day and most of the night, polish it off in the morning and hand it in just in time. I’ll then score average to high marks, as I always do, because I write well under pressure. So nobody notices.
Maybe then this time… I’ll get a low mark (my marker reads this blog), or ย people will try to help me, or will question me when I lie to them about work.
I think I need help. And I need release. I want to change.


sumtzenthebumtzen says:

hey there harri,
I feel a little like I’m sticking my neck out, I’m usually the person that reads but doesn’t comment. But this right here is an exception, because:
1) I, too, type up angsty notes bemoaning my procrastination habits, except that I’m not brave enough to let others see – it shocks me that somebody else in the big wide world feels and even expresses things in the same way, because your post right there is exactly what I feel!!!
2) I’m younger than you, and choosing between my top 2 uni choices is making life miserable; I’ve applied for almost the same course as you at Cardiff! I’m not a partyer/drinker/drugjunkie either, and I’m worried about Cardiff ‘cos of this, because Cardiff seems (from what I can glean online) to be all about the party. I’m not from the UK/EU, which doesn’t help, but I’m about to do my IB exams, so I’m just so grateful to have stumbled upon your blog to find someone else’s experience with Cardiff, someone whose opinion I feel I can trust.
3) I do enjoy reading your posts, your writing style is interesting ๐Ÿ™‚
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou for showing up on the google search engine, and for blogging about Cardiff! sorry for the looooong comment

1) Thank you. I’m just happy that these posts actually reach people, let alone help.

2) To alter your list of pros & cons, Cardiff is a great city for partiers & stay-iners alike. I was worried about the party vision when I came, and yeah, if you’re no party person then Fresher’s Week may be a bit of a let down, but once it gets started it is really incredible. But obviously I’m biased. You should know this though: For party people, Cardiff is fab. For people who aren’t yet sure if they want to party or not and want to find out, also great (I wasn’t sure, am now sure I don’t). For people who don’t want to party, it’s fab. It’s a wonderfully vibrant city without being as busy and disconnected as other major cities, and it has a real creative spirit. The University Societies are extremely plentiful if you find you have the free time to attend any, and there’s plenty of opportunities in the city for good days out. We have some great cafes, all the shops you could want for any requirements and then you have the Bay, which is the perfect chill out area – truly beautiful and stress-releasing, especially in the summer. Basically, don’t worry about the party-hardy image that the internet’s offering you. That’s just because that’s what the internet expects you’d want to hear. If you’d like more specific advice about this or anything else, feel free to contact me directly using the ‘contact me’ page. I may be busy, but not as busy as you, if you’re anything like I was a year ago. Talking of which, get revising! ๐Ÿ™‚

3) Thank you. It’s great to know that if people like you want to find and read my stuff (advice and otherwise) that I can in fact be found on the net. And no need to apologise – it wasn’t long, and I enjoyed it.

sumtzenthebumtzen says:

Thank you so much for the insider’s info! I’m definitely leaning more towards Cardiff now – I’ve always liked the sound of the city anyways ๐Ÿ™‚ And yes, I will get revising (heh). If I do end up at Cardiff, I’ll be sure to drop you a comment.
Yay for the power of social media ๐Ÿ˜€


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